Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in der_m's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 11th, 2009
5:33 am	alt.lutheran hey, kids! ya, i don't post here much anymore. and i only periodically check, as the site is broken on my browsers and facebook is so impulsive! but i've started a blog i'm hoping to update regularly. it's not personal, like the stuff i used to write here. it focuses on being alternative and Lutheran - hopefully as a point of reference for cool Lutherans or cool non-Christians. altlutheran.blogspot.com - and there's neomonastic.com, but i still don't have my permissions back since my friend changed over his server, so it's been very dead. if you miss me, i'm sorry. i feel like i have so little worth saying about myself lately. it's either self-indulgent or completely boring, neither of which i enjoy. God increases and I decrease - and less because i'm pious, but more because i realize how much i suck most of the time lol. but check it out. or find me on facebook. i miss all ya'll. hopefully God will find reason to put us together again. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 29th, 2009
12:19 am	*chuckle* so, lj looks like crap, as they celebrate some anniversary. surely part of the internet's mad dash to meet up to Facebook standards, despite everyone's complaints about Facebook. and as i sit here at the computer on hour 4 of my 10 hour stint as a watchman, i realize that internally, i haven't changed a great deal from ages ago. a lot of my motivations are the same, although they compete with more mature motivations. i must decrease, He must increase. i have such a long way to go. go in Peace Current Mood: quixotic (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
2:00 pm	status update found myself updating my profile on another blog (which i also leave empty), to realize it was fitting and i should post it elsewhere. it follows: hmmm... happily married. going to seminary in August. working as a Counter Intelligence Agent. dreaming of electric sheep. no landline, cable, or internet connection at the moment; which means i don't exist. so please excuse me if i'm not around. i'm never around. hopefully, once we're at seminary, with an internet connection, i'll be online for a healthy amount of time. that's what's up. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 25th, 2007
11:48 am	"Lord, I'm walking... and I'm not taking anything with me." ( trying to give an update like i haven't before. i know it's been a long time... ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 24th, 2006
8:15 am	whoa The Democracy Player - Internet TV guess what i'm doing within the week (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:33 am	reality bites hmm. long day, although not nearly as long as it should have been. woke up to move my car for my mom circa 8am, which is when i planned to get up. went back to sleep, sleeping through the alarm about 3 hours. eventually j called, offered lunch, and i figured that'd fit my plans well. didn't get to her until late, and i should know by now that she and i ALWAYS hang out longer than planned... so i had planned on meeting our county's social health program at 2pm and didn't get there until 4 or 4:30pm. lucky #43 was me. enjoyed "Home Alone", followed by a decade old AIDS-awareness program. such intense sincerity from so many celebrities can never been taken seriously, i hope you understand! played some Animal Crossing in the waiting room. apart from the wait, i found the entire experience pleasureable. the staff were attentive and friendly. doesn't look like my concern is a problem, although the practitioner pointed out a mole i hadn't thought about in a while, the shape and size of which i should really watch. went to suncrushr's after he told me it wouldn't be a problem me calling Erin after a while. he showed me a really cool piece he's been working on and some loops in this software i'm even more unfamiliar with than our primary software. had a good phone conversation with Erin, which could only have been made better with greater duration and less winter cold. :p played around with my DS and geeked it out a bit with the guys. decided to finally work on music; i got irritable and neurotic. i got terribly neurotic. vocalized some of that and got a bit better, and then phalkon and i talked about our lives and the future for a good while. it was good to get a lot of that out... and now i'm back home, and far less neurotic :-p though the weight of reality is still heavy upon me. here's reality: i need to decide the next 5 years of my life ASAP. period. naturally, the next 5 years of my life greatly effects the remainder of my life and the dominoes continue falling. but i can no longer put off the reality that i must decide what the hell i'm doing for the decade NOW. as i've been thinking the last couple weeks, i have several routes: 1) go to seminary (that's "sound," rational, reasonable. but high risk of burnout. live as Pastor/chaplain or prof) 2) get a masters in linguistics (reasonable. high risk of burnout. live as prof/researcher) 3) get a grant for my linguistics software (unlikely. high risk of failure. live bohemian and stressful.) 4) get random job (default. crap shoot. quality of life a crap shoot.) 5) become professional musician ("market your skills," "parttime work fulltime pay." on the job 24/7. potentially good.) in my current mindset, which i recognize to not necessarily be the best or most rational one, i'm thinking i should go back to music. and by "professional musician" i do NOT mean rockstar - i mean working class, "just play the gig" musician. resize my tux, buy a suit, discpline myself, buy a couple fake books and learn the popular classics. whore myself out to churches, funeral homes, local combos, rich people's parties, whatever. and, as opposed to options 1, 2, and 3, option 5 requires only a couple months if not only a couple weeks of hardcore discipline for almost immediate gains. option 4 is precisely what i'm trying to avoid. and in the meantime, i've got this damn B.A. thing hanging over my head. ugh!! i'm going to have to get my counselor or some administrative assistant on the phone ASAP and get questions answered. yes, i shot myself in the foot for this coming semester. A) can i graduate this semester? if i cut my minor? B) can i take the core curriculuum classes i'm missing at the community college and receive my proper diploma? 'really, der_m, why isn't school #1 priority all of a sudden?' nocturn spelled it out to me the other day, God bless him: "you've burnt out, dude. you need to take a break." a dear friend of mine told me not too long ago "you're responsible when you need to be." God bless her! i better flipping live up to that, stat! Current Mood: worried Current Music: rantradio.com (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
1:36 am	VIRUS WARNING long, exhausting weekend. but it was fun. got back a lot later than i expected, which i suppose i should have expected. maybe i'll tell you about it later. for now, though, i signed online to see if any friends were on, and was pleasantly surprised when someone i rarely talk to IMed me a link to what appeared to be a picture site. knowing i like his sense of humor, i copied it into the browser and found it downloading me a program which most surely is a virus. so, take care against this virus. if any friend tries to IM you this link (do not go there unless you use Linux or the like): http://FullPictures.my-net-space.net/show.php?sec=jpgs&num=552 DO NOT click on it, and be sure to inform your friend s/he's got a virus. stay informed. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Nickelback - Photograph (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 14th, 2005
12:33 am	busy as a ghostbee! well, the last 48 hours have been something! in mostly good ways... somehow woke up for class, which was discussion. Mr. Know-It-All dominated, of course, because those silly scientists are just so stupid! (hehe, while i was in an environment where agreement would not be combated, i know better than to so lightly suggest such things and very much opted to keep my mouth shut the whole time ;p) though i really wanted to play devil's advocate, Mr. KIA is one of those sorts who has a pat answer for everything the lowest common denominator (which includes me in the realm of contemporary issues) might bring up, all with that "how can you not agree with me?" grin on his face... oh, i'm so sick of that face... so i politely asked the cute underage girl who loves Burton, uses recycled paper, and reads comic books what she thought of discussion, knowing that she's not Christian. hehe, a tactful response it was, at which she suggested that we team up for the "argue both sides of an issue" part of our course, saying "i think i feel more comfortable with you than just about anyone else in the class." (note to self: you're pathetic and she's all kinds of too young!) apart from my dorkiness, i was quite pleased that someone new to the overbearing "we're so much better than you" environment feels comfortable with me. called up and volunteered for a Gothic Historical Tour! sounds like a lot of fun, and i'll be a docent, walking people around this town i've grown a bit enamoured with, telling them ghost stories and explaining the macabre history of what life was like just 3 generations ago. :) worked, which was just that. Latin... (i aced my last test!!) Hebrew. then, it was hours of being independantly responsible! to celebrate the initial success of the bocce club, we threw an impromptu barbeque, which i prepared, maintained, mingled, taught, played, cleaned up from 3:30 to 7ish. which left just enough time to study for a midterm in Greek and the FINAL in P.E., which if i fail again means i don't graduate until i take again!!! due to the INTENSE NECESSITY that i NOT oversleep for both, i slept on friends' couch. one played a couple eps of Harvey Birdman as i tried to fall asleep, and i'm growing to really like that show! woke up with 20 minutes to spare (an on-campus advantage over off-campus remoteness), got to class, and i believe i did very well. returned to friends' dorm, wrote reaction paper for the P.E. project, took the exam, ate, printed off my script for the Gothic Tour and a walkthrough for Pokemon (as i was supposed to beat it before tomorrow but haven't gotten the chance!), went to science lab, confirmed things with the cool chick. met up with the friend i only get to see 45 minutes per week for a couple drinks, read script, came home with intents to sleep (sorry i bailed on you giollachriost!). friend called reminding me i was supposed to tutor him in Hebrew. went back to campus for that, and we opted to study over coffee, cleared some things up for him, and we talked about other very important things. back now at quarter to one or so. gotta wake up at 7am again, class at 8:30, work at 10, class at noon, drive friend to pick up his car between classes, class at 2, work at 3, get towards home for Pokemon tournament after work ends at 4:30, train/prepare (um, maybe beat my game?). then, FINALLY, relax, enjoy, tourney, etc. what an absolutely FULL couple of days!! Current Mood: tired Current Music: rantradio.com (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
3:32 pm	too many heroes dying... Bob Moog is dead. Rest in peace, Mr. Moog. Thanks for everything. Current Mood: sad Current Music: joy electric - monosynth (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
5:13 am	how'm i doin? i've been staying up later and later, and it's really beginning to get troublesome. i either get too much sleep or too little, which always leaves me tired. i've seen an handful of friends very frequently (which pleases me), but the remainder almost not at all... and i feel very bad for it. but i can never seem to get out of the house, or even do anything productive IN the house, until after 5pm. and staying up so late doesn't help matters... *sigh* well, i've been reading "The Mammoth Book of UFOs", which has stared me in the face for years. it's really an interesting read. it's well-balanced and not at all crack-pot. a good piece of journalism, rather than a biased sermon on either side of the phenomena. and some great thoughts and vignettes. would like to clean my room, seperate the wheat from the chaff, and find the willpower to sell some things and make some quick money. i have $3 cash by the continuing grace of my friends, and about $5 remaining in my checking account by the limitless laziness of myself. i've been sitting on correcting an English paper for a German friend for nearly a week now, and should take the 2 hours to get that done soon. so much on the mind. so much that needs to be done. so little willpower ;) back to normal. Current Mood: tired Current Music: banana song (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
1:05 am	the first anniversary ya... i can't believe it's been a year. i was only at the cemetery a short time, but it was good. got to sleep in today, which was good. did some online things. downloaded FreeBSD and intend to try that out soon. got to talk with some friends online and over the phone. i'm glad i got the oppurtunity. now, to bed. i'm very tired. it's been a fair day. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 5th, 2005
9:43 pm	fyi this morning i was in Frankfurt. this moment i am home. i know business people do that all the time, but it still throws me for a loop... i'm stateside. and need to sleep. i am really overtired. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
4:56 am	"No you're never gonna survive, unless..." ...you get a little crazy. there's really no other word. picked up the American at the train station, took him back to the campus, and talked with my neighbors until about 11:30 or midnight. and then, discussing making sure that we had everything arranged that needed to be arranged... we decided that we'd be more successful staying up the 5 hours than trying to wake up in 5 hours. so we walked. it started out a pleasant tour through Oberursel, and then "what's over that next hill? ...and the next? ...and the next?" until we found ourselves in Niederursel (for the German-impaired, that's upper- and lower-Ursel). i believe, technically, that's considered Frankfurt. and if i accept that: we WALKED to Frankfurt. mapquest informs me Niederursel is about 5 miles away from campus, which means we walked 10 miles. between the hours of 12:30 and 4:22. on a whim. just an hour now remaining before we were planning to hop onto the train, to get checked in at 7, for our 10am flight. i should think i'm in prime condition to sleep on the plane, at least. i should take a quick shower for my co-passenger's sake as much as mine. this should be a VERY interesting next couple hours. and i'm rather touched that one of the people i met here gave me two books. one short stories, and the other a fantasy novel. i don't usually read fantasy novels, but it should make for a great German exercise. it was so nice of him! about time to shove this key to the library under the secretary's door with a note and go make sure my compatriot is awake. then rest my legs a bit more, and allow the insanity to continue. I WILL SURVIVE (with the help of God). i don't know how long it will take for me to sleep this off, but i'll see you soon, i'm sure. take care. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: fler - ndw2005 (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 4th, 2005
12:15 pm	takes deep breath well, i need to pack up all my belongings and clean up. decide how my fragiles should be stored in my bag... return 2 books to two different people. return my key to this library. pick up the other American at the train station. find out if Germans have Ben Gay (i slept on my arm wrong and it hurts bad). eat, maybe do some quick shopping. (i'd almost like another book or CD.) TRY to get to bed at a reasonable time... and i'm on the plane headed for home in less than 24 hours. hehe. it's gonna be crazy. it hardly feels so soon. and that means time-travel, too! my first plane is scheduled to take off at 10:10am. 2 hour layover in England, and a total of about 7 or 8 hours or so in the air - but i land in Chicago around 3:30ish. SCIENCE!! wish me luck... i'll see you guys soon! Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: tokio hotel - durch den monsun (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
2:11 pm	#1. i retract political statements in the previous post. i was drunk, and thought it was interesting more than anything else. i'll refrain from bringing up political topics when i simply don't know a damn thing. #2. i just noticed Cruciform Injection's icon looks amazing. and though i've liked CI since they gave a better performance than EHC in '99, i thought: do we in the Scene[tm] sometimes put greater emphasis on graphic design skills than the quality of performance? i haven't seen CI in a while, but i get the impression they've changed a lot since the first two albums. (i'm hoping to see them this upcoming show.) what do you think: is it that good/successful acts can afford great graphic designers, or that great graphic designers make for perceived good/successful acts? the same thing is often true with software. if i'm trying to judge 3 or 4 potential candidates for a program i need, i'll usually go with the site that is better designed than the black text on white background, because i figure the former has put more attention to detail to actually put an half-way navigable page up. thoughts? so i woke up late again and accomplished, again, absolutely nothing. watched ALF in German, which transfers very naturally. been watching CNN occasionally the past couple days, but it usually just bothers me. hopefully i can take a leisurely stroll today with a person or two. i might like to take an handful of more pictures before i leave. i've just been feeling so tired and lazy... just two more days. i still can't believe it. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
1:26 am	relief and stuff you didn't know. my Mom gave me some money, so i actually got to eat today. i've been eating the past couple days, but a few eggs, rice, and potatoes for a body that usually needs 3000 calories or more to maintain itself makes for a nasty situation. but i ate meat today, and a $3.75 (after exchange rate) pizza. it felt real good. talked with the German who reminds me of my old high school friends and the Czech at length during a birthday party - it was really just a standard grill, but on the foundations of celebrating someone's birthday. good times. and i decided to look up Richard Stallman's controversial personal site, and found two things very interesting: it's too late for the most of you to participate in the encouraged boycott, but J.K. Rowling's lawyers believe that "There is no human right to read." what really gets me is the preceding sentence: "One sympathises with the reader from a non-legal point of view, but property rights often trump civil liberties." smells like capitalism! speaking of capitalism, i buy Citgo gas because it's cheap and i don't know enough about cars to think that Shell is inherently better for my engine. turns out there's a sound political reason to buy from Citgo, too! their gas comes from Venezuela! and in case it wasn't clear, i'm really not very political. i'm NOT encouraging you to boycott Rowling's works like some out there want you to - but i should hope you're as outraged as i am about the laws governing written thought these days. and Citgo... man, i've ALWAYS bought from Citgo! i just like their gas stations! haha ya, so... i should go to bed or something. 3 days until i walk on the asphalt covering American soil. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 1st, 2005
8:02 pm	nut'n'honey 've been real lazy lately. ouch. the Simpsons voices in German don't relate like ANYTHING to the real voices. Futurama is a fairly good facsimile. the guy from China and i went for a walk and sat and talked in a beautiful part of the town i never saw before. walking there felt like Lord of the Rings. he encouraged me to really learn Chinese. "it's a very easy language," he said. "spend a year there and you'll be fine." i should maybe consider it. right now (and yes, i'm missing you too) i really miss my computer. the XP machine here is finally connecting to the net for me, which is considerably better than the W95 machine, but it's so very much NOT my computer... last night, i dreamed up a very simple program that's totally within my means to write, and i've been thinking about it off and on the whole day. i want my *nix shell back!!! i want my music files, headphones, Xorg, net connection... i miss being a nerd! <sniffle> and btw, there's an handful of lifestyle changes i want to make when i get back - or rather, when i start school. classes starting at 8am EVERY morning should at the very least mean i'll be awake to arrange it... but i need to first make myself a schedule, and one i'll stick to. that's very much against my nature. and i want to actually do my P.E. homework so i can work on getting into at least a little better shape. and the big thing is that i want to get my piano skills back up to snuff. that means setting aside at least 30 minutes a day and doing boring etudes! that just NEEDS to get done. i'm so disappointed with how my skills have degraded over the last few years. i want to get back on the track to playing within minutes whatever is in my head, and playing authentically challenging pieces, and learning new styles of playing. be a real freaking pianist again. so when i get back to school, i need to get a feel of my class schedule and surroundings, find a job, and make a concrete schedule for myself, which will, of course, include free-time and seeing friends. if you'd take time when you see me or talk to me to remind me of that, it'd be appreciated. once i get into the groove of the schedule, i should be able to keep the momentum, but inertia's a female dog, no? i fly home in 4 days! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
4:15 pm	fun day so far haha. somehow woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. i don't get it. still feeling the slightest bit manic... but i finished off that Islam booklet. got to enjoy an handful of good German music on the non-MTV station today. and i watched an hilariously craptacular film from the 70s called "Unsere Pauker gehen in die Luft". it had ridiculous "rag the dean" humour, a terrible love story, mistaken identity humour, and woman-posing-as-man to get her pilots' license. ridiculous, but i laughed out loud a dozen times. i loved it! and i found out that "taddling" comes straight out of German. "tadeln: to blame, disapprove, reprimand." so "taddle tail" is actually "taddle tale"... crazy how all the simple common English things are direct from German. "Blow" is showing tonight on TV, which i might watch. love that movie. suggested it to a guy on campus, who mentioned preferring to check out a film about the DDR (um, GDR), but he admitted it could suck, too. but i've got a TV in my room if i just want to watch "Blow". but i've got to get going, because i promised him i'd help him buy an illegal film. my English is considerably better than his ;) i didn't ask yet, but i figure it's probably "Triumph of the Will" or another Riefenstahl film, which i simply have to make accomplice to on principle of cinematic fanaticism. it's supposed to be a masterpiece, despite its subject matter (which would make it illegal in Germany). back later. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: and one - love and fingers (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 30th, 2005
11:32 pm	idle hands... wow. i was just staring at the navy website for what must have been nearly an hour... what the heck is wrong with me??? i've been restless all day. like i've been wired... the mind races. jumping from thought to thought. read about half a booklet about Islam. have done absolutely nothing productive today. oi. i'm feeling weird. is it the pangs of upcoming change? hm. heartburn, too... Current Mood: odd (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 29th, 2005
2:21 am	i'm moved into the Canadian's room now. just kind of chilled the whole day... relaxed a bit. bought some more groceries. (i'm nearly dead broke - but i only have to survive the next week, which should be awfully easy with so many caring co-dwellers.) been sweating like mad! there was an amazing storm last night that swept in, rained hard, hailed, and left. cleansed the air really good. but today has been muggy and windless. my t-shirt was soaked when i went shopping. tomorrow i try to be more social, but still just relax. i leave for home next Friday. not too much longer now :) i'm moved into the Canadian's room now. just kind of chilled the whole day... relaxed a bit. bought some more groceries. (i'm nearly dead broke - but i only have to survive the next week, which should be awfully easy with so many caring co-dwellers.) been sweating like mad! there was an amazing storm last night that swept in, rained hard, hailed, and left. cleansed the air really good. but today has been muggy and windless. my t-shirt was soaked when i went shopping. tomorrow i try to be more social, but still just relax. i leave for home next Friday. not too much longer now :) oh, and i got to watch an hour of the White Stripes live, on MTV!!! it was a good show! i really need to pick up their stuff when i get a job. hehe. and whenever i come in here, any time of night, the same guy checks to make sure i'm not a burglar. and he told me to make sure i close the window when i leave (i wouldn't have known it was open) - now, the likely thousands of dollars of hard to replace books, i'd understand. but he mentioned thieves potentially stealling the two to three hundred dollars worth of computers sitting here. (this one is worth zero, the one that is never online could be built for 300, give or take.) <shakes head> (Comment on this)